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Saturday, June 26, 2010

fishing in hell


Okay fishing is a hard job; imagine fishing without water or a fishing rod? (No, fishing is not in a metaphorical context here) there’s this tank at our back yard, it was supposed to be our septic tank but it was not properly built nor was it closed, after a new septic tank was built. In a town where it rains almost daily the tank is almost always filled with water .And the people we rented our house to before we moved there had put some fishes in the tank so that mosquitoes don’t lay their eggs there. So one hot summer day my mom comes to me and says “there’s fish at the bottom of the tank, the tank dried up so you can catch it easily”. So I decided to be sport and catch some fish, thus began an hour I desperately try to forget.
Imagine this, the tank is 4 feet deep, it had dried up in the summer heat.(regrettably not fully dried the floor was a wet muddy mess) I could spot two fishes (mudskipper or catfish, I don’t know the name but they are more elusive than an al queda terrorist) they were in a small pool of really wet mud. So the traditional method of a hook and bait would definitely not work. The only weapon of choice I had was a pair of long sticks that I had to use like a giant pair of chopsticks to push it into the bucket attached to the string my mom placed near the fish. I know what you are thinking if it was just 4 feet deep why didn’t I get in it and get the fish. The floor of the tank could be placed in the top 5 most disgusting and dangerous terrains in the world list, so getting inside the tank could be placed as the last possible resort to get the fish. The fishes were alive and they were more slippery than a greasy pole with motor oil poured throughout its length. And what’s more annoying is having my mom and sister yelling instructions at me “push it in” “lift it with the two sticks” “go right” “go left”. An hour passed by with no luck. When people give you directions (that’s only use is to cause the poor soul listening, a migraine) and you are the one doing all the work it causes a feeling of at most annoyance that cannot be described in mere words. But finally I managed to push both the fishes in the bucket (one slippery living hell at a time).Two sore hands, a few bruises and a really tired body later there they were, the two fishes that ruined my day. But when the question came on who would have the pleasure of killing them, I thought I would be more than glad to kill them (and kill them violently) but I couldn’t, after more than 2 excruciating hours in the sun trying to catch them I couldn’t get myself to kill the fruits of my hard work. So I let the killing and cooking with my mom, I didn’t even eat the nice curry the fish had the poor fortune of becoming. The moral of the story is when you work so hard on something, only for your effort to be eaten by others you have to make sure have a little bit of it yourself or you’ll have to starve !

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Venus human trap !!!!!!

Yesterday I got myself into yet another pickle of a situation. My ambition after getting my degree is to do an MBA. And for that reason I wanted to enroll myself into a CAT entrance coaching center. I heard there was a coaching centre in a building near my gym. So I thought I’ll check it out, despite me being seriously fatigued by a tough work out session. The coaching centre was at the 4th and top most floor of a plaza. I took the stairs up there; people at the coaching center were looking at me like I was a stray dog that just walked into a church. I was certainly not looking sharp after a 2 hr workout, and the limp I developed (because of the new exercise I got for my thighs) was not polishing my image either. But the place did not teach the subject there, they only had MAT. The news did not disappoint me, but the thought that I had to get down 4 flights of stairs simply broke my heart.
So then I saw a heart warming sight, the cushioned walls of the lift and the air conditioned atmosphere in it was like a light in a dark tunnel (literally, the corridor was so dark). So I got in the elevator, no one else did they opted the tiring stairs. I thought to myself “why do these people use all the facilities in such a nice place?” When the lift doors closed I noticed something on the door -“venus” It read. I didn’t give it a second thought, I pushed floor 0 and waited for my floor. The lift announced “welcoming you” in two languages. (I hated it when recorded messages are grammatically wrong) so finally it came “ground floor” but the door wouldn’t open , I pushed the open door button. NOTHING! I tried every thing, with the same result, the stubborn door appeared to be laughing at me. then it hit me, when I was trapped in the lift like a toad in a well. I understood why “venus” seemed funny at that time, one thing came to my mind then “the venus fly trap” everything about the elevator drew me in the bright lights, the cool air, the (grammatically wrong) electronic voice ushering me in, or the prospect of an effortless ride instead of a strenuous walk down the stairs. But the lift had taken a day off, maybe the lift had ‘problems’.(how do I know about the secret life of an elevator?) for 10 minutes I panicked and tried everything I possibly could do( I yelled out like my life depended on it, I hit notes that would make any whale cry with envy) then I though “if I’m stuck in an elevator why not have some fun while I’m there.” I went up and down and up again, this went on for a quarter of an hour; then I had a brainwave I went to the top floor and I yelled , kicked ,screamed made as much noise as I could. Finally one woman from the coaching center thought she heard some faint noise (faint for her, throat busting for me) and pushed the lift button. Then I heard one of the sweetest sounds ever the lift said “thanking you visit again” and the doors opened. She asked me what was wrong, I explained to her my ordeal with the most stubborn lift, and I said goodbye and good riddance to the floor.
And looked towards the stairs, and never have I felt so glad to see a dirty, smelly, energy draining flight of stairs.